During my first session, Mistress put me a collar and a leash for a private session in her keep. Something new for me and very strong emotionally.
At the end She put it off.
Then I got the honor to spend some week-ends somewhere in Europe at her feet.
Every time the same ritual to put back the collar : when I met her, She indicates by a special sign : hand open then closed in a fist.
The feeling when you live this transformation is so intense and You have a strange feeling, because in one side you feel that your Mistress take all the control on your body and mind, so it means that it’s very exciting and sensual but in the other side it means that you give the total control of your life, of your liberty to HER EMPRESS. So it’s also a frightening time mentally and it requires a huge confidence and trust that you give to HER. But it’s also that which symbolize a fusion.
I cannot explain you How much I am afraid each time when we visit protected museum with X-Ray control (the collar is in metal). If it rings. I will have to show it to everybody and to explain to the guards why I can’t put off in front of the Mistress laugh’s.
I was ashamed, humiliated (put my eyes down looking my shoes) but also I start to feel a pride.
But the most important, i think are the following : When My Mistress will give me back My liberty, when she will put off My collar. Everytime, i have this nightmare or maybe this hidden dream to keep it forever.
Sometimes, She wants to afarid me by : forgetting the key of the collar at her Keep, loosing the key, leaving the collar until our next trip.
Everytime, She saw my fear, my anxiety in my eyes when She Told me :
“I don’t know where I put the key. It’s not a problem, I will leave You like that”. Looking in HER eyes, I could infer her sadistic smile. I never dare to ask My Goddess if She did it intentionally to test me, to provocate me, to belittle me so that to show that Her Power is Uncompromising. And She explain me without words that She own my life, my body as long as She want. I don’t know but at the deepest point of my mind,
Finally, She found the key… this time.
I have a lack of energy, strength to be the best in my life.
Even if I have a lot of interesting projects in my professionnal life, I have the impression to be lost, i don’t know here I am and which direction I choose.
I need a guide. This guide is the leash attached to my collar that holds the hand of Mistress Ezada.
With this guide, i receive a lot of energy, a lot of attention, of complicity and I am ready to do everything in my life and of course in my submissive life to My Goddess.
I was convinced that offer, on my knees, the ring on the Mistress Ezada’s finger was the best proof of love for our D/s relationship; but I didn’t know that wearing Ezada’s collar with dignity and humility every day was the best in my life. Nothing on earth worth this honour and love.